Vulnerable Surrender

What surrender looks like...

I used to work as a nurse and before that I worked in other places like gas stations, restaurants, stores and even in the Census Bureau and IRS. When I was working toward my RN, a mother of three, trying to do all I could but still struggling with sin, identity and my worth and I had mental breakdown. I went to a psych facility (voluntarily), was diagnosed with bipolar, which ended up being the wrong diagnosis. It was corrected in 2020 to major depressive disorder and anxiety. 

The panic stopped me from visiting family or friends. It was excruciating levels of pain. It was debilitating really. Then the ER visits from the wrong medication, had the nurses thinking I was trying to take my life. When I was able to share what happened, they shifted to being empathic, but it was tough to hear all the judgmental comments. The cardiologist was called in, during one of my visits, but I knew GOD would see me through it. GOD healed me and is still healing me in other areas.

In 2016, I decided to go to stabilization crisis unit when GOD showed up in such a way I'll never forget. I knew I needed to find a place to hear GOD. To be away from all the noise. Listen, I wasn't done with challenges...in 2019, my children were brought to my father's house during Christmas break. Department of Children and Families thought my friend was excessive in his approach to discipline my oldest child. I was conflicted, but didn't really see a better choice. She was out of control and the way society views discipline makes it challenging. He went to grab her winter jacket. It was holiday season, night time, downtown; so one would have to act quickly. The way she turned her head he missed and grabbed her hair. If you only witnessed the hair pulling of course it looked bad, but if you witnessed how she could have gotten hurt or worse, you might pause on your response. So, of course all DCF had to do was hear this and they have me labeled as an unfit mother..you get the picture.

As a nurse, who understands mandated reporting, I have lived on both sides of that position. I see now that GOD allowed me to go through certain things that were not just, so that I would fight for others facing injustice too. During that time, it was not fun at all. I have taken parenting classes, I have been through the hoops and let me tell you once you are in "the system" you are scrutinized, you are under their microscope, they tie your hands behind your back, pull your rights away and tell you, ok, go parent. 

I believe there are better ways to receive help, healing and bring our families to flourishing and becoming the best version of themselves. I believe the Holy Spirit wants me to have tough dialogue, but also use Biblical principles and prayer to break off curses in the family lineage, to see family members saved and delivered and living for Christ. I believe that GOD has so much more for families if they could see it and lay hold of what He has promised us.

This is coming together full circle, GOD is using me and what my family and I went through to guide them out of the dark and desolate places and into His marvelous light!